Olympic events that have to go

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Olympic events that have to go

Post by shemp » Sat Aug 06, 2016 10:33 pm

Aside from the fact that nobody in his/her/its right mind really gives a shit about the Olympics, if you're going to have Olympic games, some of them just plain have to go. Getting rid of several events would cut the number of athletes, making the games less unwieldy, the ceremonies go faster, and also a big savings on condoms.

There are several reasons why a sport should be eliminated:

1. The sport is only performed by roided-up behemoths with no resemblance to real human beings.
2. The sport is not performed by anyone other than a very small number of people who must be out of their minds.
3. The sport is way too expensive for anyone but rich fops.
4. The sport is extremely dangerous.
5. The sport is too fucking gay.
6. The sport is really fucking stupid.
7. Nobody really gives a fuck about the sport.

So which sports are prime candidates for axing? Here's my list, which, unless you are an idiot, you will agree with:

Synchronized Swimming: This loses on several grounds. How many people in real life do synchronized swimming? Do you know anyone who says "I think I'll go synchronized swimming today"? Of course you don't. It's also dangerous (somebody could drown!). I would also say that it's too fucking gay, but only women do it, so it gets a pass on that. And nobody really gives a fuck. (Have you ever heard of any synchronized swimming stars? Do they do commercials? Does ESPN.com have a synchronized swimming page?) Synohronized swimming is out. :sharkbait:

Steeplechase: Guys running around a track jumping over water is just plain fucking stupid. It's also dangerous (you could slip and fall, and get set upon by ambulance chasers!). And steeplechasing is for horses. It's out. :horsepoop:

Walking Races: Walking is just slow running. You give medals to people who run fast, not those who run slow. It's really fucking stupid and nobody gives a fuck. It's out. :groupdance:

Shot Put/Discus Throw/Hammer Throw/Javelin Throw: These sports are all for guys on roids. Have you ever seen a normal person throw a hammer (other than at Home Depot)? Why not just see how far people can throw a bowling ball or a frisbee? Also, javelins are fucking dangerous! These are all out. :hardhat:

Boxing: Do I even need to tell you why? Unless your name is George Zimmerman, you should not be getting punched in the face. Boxing is out. :De_Bunk:

Equestrian Dressage: Why should people get a medal for dressing a horse? Can't the fucking horse dress itself? Seriously, this is a rich people's sport and they dress up too fucking gay. It's out. :BeatDeadHorse2:

Fencing: Like my mom always yelled, "Put that down! You could put you eye out!" Dangerous. Might give it a pass if everyone had to dress like Zorro, but then it would be fucking gay. It's out. :fencing:

Golf: Isn't it OBVIOUS!!?? It's rich guys whacking their balls! Even people who like golf don't give a fuck. It's out. :Wave5:

Gymnastics: 90% of the men watching this are pervs. And who does any of this in real life? "I think I'll spend the day on my pommel horse!" Out. :busted:

Sailing: Bunch of rich fucks. Hope they all die of raw sewage disease. Out. :titanic:

Shooting: Guns are dangerous. 'Nuff said. Out. :hunter:

Weightlifting: Again, does this need explaining? Only roided-up monsters do this, and only homos watch. And one of these days, someone's going to drop one of these fucking barbells on their head and get killed! Out! :bricks:

Wrestling: Behemoths slathering themselves with oil and grappling with each other? Nothing gay about this! Dangerous, roids, etc., out! :village:
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Re: Olympic events that have to go

Post by Anaxagoras » Sun Aug 07, 2016 1:59 am

Ping pong and fucking badminton.

Golf was never traditionally an olympic sport, so yeah.

Disagree about discus/javelin or wrestling. I figure if the ancient Greeks did it, it should stay.
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Re: Olympic events that have to go

Post by Anaxagoras » Sun Aug 07, 2016 2:00 am

I think starting in Tokyo they plan to add more X-games type sports like skateboarding events and such.
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Re: Olympic events that have to go

Post by Anaxagoras » Sun Aug 07, 2016 2:07 am

I think they made ping pong and badminton olympic sports just so the Chinese could win more medals. They don't like it when you call it ping pong, btw, they'll correct you and say it's called table tennis.
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Re: Olympic events that have to go

Post by Doctor X » Sun Aug 07, 2016 2:11 am

I respond, "if you wanted it titled 'table tennis' you should have won the Boxer Rebellion."

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Re: Olympic events that have to go

Post by Nyarlathotep » Sun Aug 07, 2016 4:19 am

I dunno man. Boxing is one of the few sports that interests me. I used to box when I was a kid. Was never good at it. Turns our that one good blow to my nose makes it gout blood. But, probably because I understand the sport a little better than most, I enjoy watching it.
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Re: Olympic events that have to go

Post by Doctor X » Sun Aug 07, 2016 4:41 am

One of the American just won a round!

USA!USA!USA!

And an American won a round of Women's Ping Pong!

USA!USA!USA!

--J.D.
Mob of the Mean: Free beanie, cattle-prod and Charley Fan Club!
"Doctor X is just treating you the way he treats everyone--as subhuman crap too dumb to breathe in after you breathe out."--Don
DocX: FTW.--sparks
"Doctor X wins again."--Pyrrho
"Never sorry to make a racist Fucktard cry."--His Humble MagNIfIcence
"It was the criticisms of Doc X, actually, that let me see more clearly how far the hypocrisy had gone."--clarsct
"I'd leave it up to Doctor X who has been a benevolent tyrant so far."--Grammatron
"Indeed you are a river to your people.
Shit. That's going to end up in your sig."--Pyrrho
"Try a twelve step program and accept Doctor X as your High Power."--asthmatic camel
"just like Doc X said." --gnome

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Re: Olympic events that have to go

Post by Doctor X » Sun Aug 07, 2016 4:41 am

One of the American just won a round!

USA!USA!USA!

And an American won a round of Women's Ping Pong!

USA!USA!USA!

--J.D.
Mob of the Mean: Free beanie, cattle-prod and Charley Fan Club!
"Doctor X is just treating you the way he treats everyone--as subhuman crap too dumb to breathe in after you breathe out."--Don
DocX: FTW.--sparks
"Doctor X wins again."--Pyrrho
"Never sorry to make a racist Fucktard cry."--His Humble MagNIfIcence
"It was the criticisms of Doc X, actually, that let me see more clearly how far the hypocrisy had gone."--clarsct
"I'd leave it up to Doctor X who has been a benevolent tyrant so far."--Grammatron
"Indeed you are a river to your people.
Shit. That's going to end up in your sig."--Pyrrho
"Try a twelve step program and accept Doctor X as your High Power."--asthmatic camel
"just like Doc X said." --gnome

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Re: Olympic events that have to go

Post by Rob Lister » Sun Aug 07, 2016 10:44 am

Get rid of any sport that is judged by committee.

Trampoline. OMFG.

Rhythmic Gymnastics. It's just too fucking gay. Even when women do it.

Equestrian Dressage. Who the fuck wanted this in the first place?

One that we should keep no matter what ...

Spoiler:
Female wrestling

Image

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Re: Olympic events that have to go

Post by Anaxagoras » Sun Aug 07, 2016 1:17 pm

Rob Lister wrote: One that we should keep no matter what ...

Spoiler:
Female wrestling

Image
And don't forget:
Spoiler:
Image
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Re: Olympic events that have to go

Post by Anaxagoras » Mon Aug 08, 2016 4:45 am

Saw this on reddit in a post titled "Cultural Differences":
Spoiler:
Image

Uncovered ankles?? For shame!!
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Re: Olympic events that have to go

Post by Doctor X » Mon Aug 08, 2016 5:45 am

Not only that, an ANKLE BRACELET!!!11!!

Image

Her brother will bludgeon her to death for the good of humanity and, like, children and stuff.

--J.D.
Mob of the Mean: Free beanie, cattle-prod and Charley Fan Club!
"Doctor X is just treating you the way he treats everyone--as subhuman crap too dumb to breathe in after you breathe out."--Don
DocX: FTW.--sparks
"Doctor X wins again."--Pyrrho
"Never sorry to make a racist Fucktard cry."--His Humble MagNIfIcence
"It was the criticisms of Doc X, actually, that let me see more clearly how far the hypocrisy had gone."--clarsct
"I'd leave it up to Doctor X who has been a benevolent tyrant so far."--Grammatron
"Indeed you are a river to your people.
Shit. That's going to end up in your sig."--Pyrrho
"Try a twelve step program and accept Doctor X as your High Power."--asthmatic camel
"just like Doc X said." --gnome

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Re: Olympic events that have to go

Post by Grammatron » Mon Aug 08, 2016 5:16 pm

Nyarlathotep wrote:I dunno man. Boxing is one of the few sports that interests me. I used to box when I was a kid. Was never good at it. Turns our that one good blow to my nose makes it gout blood. But, probably because I understand the sport a little better than most, I enjoy watching it.
The Olympic boxing is switching it up a bit too. No helmets and a much better, though still subjective, scoring system.

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Re: Olympic events that have to go

Post by Anaxagoras » Fri Aug 12, 2016 12:01 pm

Man, check out the shoulder and biceps on Simone Biles.

http://www.bbc.com/sport/olympics/37042904

Those would put a lot of guys to shame. The girls don't do the rings, do they? She looks like she could.
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Re: Olympic events that have to go

Post by Evolver » Sun Aug 14, 2016 8:09 pm

shemp wrote: Equestrian Dressage: Why should people get a medal for dressing a horse? Can't the fucking horse dress itself? Seriously, this is a rich people's sport and they dress up too fucking gay. It's out. :BeatDeadHorse2:
I wholeheartedly agree with this one.

Today, after tolerating the women's marathon (it does belong in the Olympics, but do they have to televise the whole fucking thing?), and then the vast boredom of golf, followed by synchronized pool dancing, NBC then went to "dressage" (probably referring to the frilly outfits these nitwits wear when not riding (it's not like the one's they wear while on the horses are any better).

This was by far, the worst of the events.

Here is a "sport", that could only still be in the Olympics because the old money bloated billionaires pay the crooked Olympic committee to give their useless inbred spawn a way to pretend that they have some sort of value other than the money that some long dead entrepreneur, mobster, or bootlegger passed down.

And now we have to watch these turds as the announcers gush about what "great athletes" Kent Stenchbucket IV and Muffalyn Throatfuller-Wiener are because they have the talent to tighten their anus muscles so much that their sphincter keeps them virtually suctioned to a saddle on a horse that some paid lackey trained to jump over fences.

The only entertaining part are where the horse is able to launch the little fuck onto their empty heads.
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Re: Olympic events that have to go

Post by Witness » Sun Aug 14, 2016 9:22 pm

The reference to the Olympic Games of Antiquity (and the absolutely ridiculous "ceremonies" it generates) is a sham in itself. Remember it was a period of truce (between ever-warring cities), there were amusing competitions like "running in armor" (so definitely a military component), and… poetry was read.

As for wrestling & boxing (which could have interested Nyarl?), things got really savage:
Wikipedia wrote:Over the years, more events were added: boxing (pygme/pygmachia), wrestling (pale) in 708 BC, and pankration, a fighting competition combining both elements. Wrestling was also the final decisive event in the ancient pentathlon.

Boxing became increasingly brutal over the centuries. Initially, soft leather covered their fingers, but eventually, hard leather with metal sometimes was used. The fights had no rest periods and no rules against hitting a man while he was down. Bouts continued until one man either surrendered or died - however, the dead boxer was automatically declared the winner.

Boxers fought on open ground, there were no corners. If a fight last hours, the boxers could agree to exchange undefended blows. Greek geographer Pausanias wrote of a fight between Damoxenos and Kreugas which ended when Damoxenos jabbed Kreugas with outstretched fingers, piercing the skin and ripping Kreugas' entrails out of the body.

A wrestler threw the opponent to the ground three times in order to win. There were no weight classes, larger wrestlers had an advantage. In pankration only biting and gouging were forbidden. One fighter would break an opponent’s fingers at the start of the match to force immediate surrender. Another fighter would twist opponents’ ankles from their sockets.
Not quite synchronized swimming… :P

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Re: Olympic events that have to go

Post by Doctor X » Mon Aug 15, 2016 9:17 am

Dressage would have been the rage in the Japanese Hellenic Original Olympics. . . .

--J.D.
Mob of the Mean: Free beanie, cattle-prod and Charley Fan Club!
"Doctor X is just treating you the way he treats everyone--as subhuman crap too dumb to breathe in after you breathe out."--Don
DocX: FTW.--sparks
"Doctor X wins again."--Pyrrho
"Never sorry to make a racist Fucktard cry."--His Humble MagNIfIcence
"It was the criticisms of Doc X, actually, that let me see more clearly how far the hypocrisy had gone."--clarsct
"I'd leave it up to Doctor X who has been a benevolent tyrant so far."--Grammatron
"Indeed you are a river to your people.
Shit. That's going to end up in your sig."--Pyrrho
"Try a twelve step program and accept Doctor X as your High Power."--asthmatic camel
"just like Doc X said." --gnome

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Re: Olympic events that have to go

Post by shemp » Tue Aug 16, 2016 1:04 am

Doctor X wrote:Dressage would have been the rage in the Japanese Hellenic Original Olympics. . . .

--J.D.
Greek men were all pedophiles. The competition would have involved men boning boys while riding fabulously-dressed horses.
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Re: Olympic events that have to go

Post by shemp » Tue Aug 16, 2016 1:15 am

OMFG I can't get enough Olympics!!!! Equestrian Judo! 5000-meter Pommel Horse!! Water Boxing!!! MONKEY TENNIS!!!!!!!!!!
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Re: Olympic events that have to go

Post by Nyarlathotep » Tue Aug 16, 2016 2:36 am

Witness wrote:The reference to the Olympic Games of Antiquity (and the absolutely ridiculous "ceremonies" it generates) is a sham in itself. Remember it was a period of truce (between ever-warring cities), there were amusing competitions like "running in armor" (so definitely a military component), and… poetry was read.

As for wrestling & boxing (which could have interested Nyarl?), things got really savage:
Wikipedia wrote:Over the years, more events were added: boxing (pygme/pygmachia), wrestling (pale) in 708 BC, and pankration, a fighting competition combining both elements. Wrestling was also the final decisive event in the ancient pentathlon.

Boxing became increasingly brutal over the centuries. Initially, soft leather covered their fingers, but eventually, hard leather with metal sometimes was used. The fights had no rest periods and no rules against hitting a man while he was down. Bouts continued until one man either surrendered or died - however, the dead boxer was automatically declared the winner.

Boxers fought on open ground, there were no corners. If a fight last hours, the boxers could agree to exchange undefended blows. Greek geographer Pausanias wrote of a fight between Damoxenos and Kreugas which ended when Damoxenos jabbed Kreugas with outstretched fingers, piercing the skin and ripping Kreugas' entrails out of the body.

A wrestler threw the opponent to the ground three times in order to win. There were no weight classes, larger wrestlers had an advantage. In pankration only biting and gouging were forbidden. One fighter would break an opponent’s fingers at the start of the match to force immediate surrender. Another fighter would twist opponents’ ankles from their sockets.
Not quite synchronized swimming… :P

It was boxing And I always pictured Pankration as Ancient Greek MMA with the only rules being "no biting and no nut shots"
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