What to do when kid is grown up and won't move out of the house.

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What to do when kid is grown up and won't move out of the house.

Post by Abdul Alhazred » Wed May 23, 2018 4:18 pm

Step 1 -- Hire a lawyer.

Parents win suit to kick 30-year-old deadbeat son out of their house
NY Post

Mostly the headline says it all, but here's a little detail from the end of the story.
... In 2017, Michael sued Best Buy for $338,500 for firing him two years earlier for not working Saturdays. That case is still pending.
Prediction: Within the next five years he will be suing some social service agency.
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Re: What to do when kid is grown up and won't move out of the house.

Post by ed » Wed May 23, 2018 4:22 pm

We moved down here and 3/4 kids moved down too. Just found out daughter #3 is on her way from her "finding herself tour" via colo.

We now (or shortly will have) 4 kids, two husbands( :x ), 5 grandkids, my mom.

Any advice appreciated.

I think they are waiting for us to die.

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Re: What to do when kid is grown up and won't move out of the house.

Post by Abdul Alhazred » Wed May 23, 2018 4:24 pm

You're in Florida. Must be plenty of lawyers down there, no?

Or is Lake Myakka too goyische for that?
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Re: What to do when kid is grown up and won't move out of the house.

Post by Nyarlathotep » Wed May 23, 2018 4:36 pm

I have never understood the people who stay with their parents forever (And I won't pin it on "kids today" because people were doing it when I was a kid too). I couldn't wait to get out from under my parents' roof. And it isn't that I hated my parents or anything dramatic like that, just that I had shit to do and things to see and I wasn't doing/seeing those things in Yerington Fucking Nevada.

I had to move back in briefly when I had a nearly crippling injury that left me unable to walk for a while in my 20s and at that stage in my life I didn't have any savings or anything to support myself with while I couldn't work. But once I was mended up, I was off on my own again.

I just don't get people like this guy
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Re: What to do when kid is grown up and won't move out of the house.

Post by Abdul Alhazred » Wed May 23, 2018 4:42 pm

Nyarlathotep wrote: ... I had shit to do and things to see and I wasn't doing/seeing those things in Yerington Fucking Nevada.
Interesting.

I felt the same way about New York Fucking City. :mrgreen:
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Re: What to do when kid is grown up and won't move out of the house.

Post by Grammatron » Wed May 23, 2018 4:45 pm

Nyarlathotep wrote:I have never understood the people who stay with their parents forever (And I won't pin it on "kids today" because people were doing it when I was a kid too). I couldn't wait to get out from under my parents' roof. And it isn't that I hated my parents or anything dramatic like that, just that I had shit to do and things to see and I wasn't doing/seeing those things in Yerington Fucking Nevada.

I had to move back in briefly when I had a nearly crippling injury that left me unable to walk for a while in my 20s and at that stage in my life I didn't have any savings or anything to support myself with while I couldn't work. But once I was mended up, I was off on my own again.

I just don't get people like this guy
Parenting

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Re: What to do when kid is grown up and won't move out of the house.

Post by Nyarlathotep » Wed May 23, 2018 4:48 pm

Well, "The Grass is Always Greener" is a cliche with some truth to it.

New York would still blow my mind. I grew up in a couple of tiny, tiny towns and to me Carson City still feels like "The City" to me. Real big cities, like San Francisco or Tokyo and I am sure New York (though I have never been) still turn me into a slack jawed yokel because I just can't wrap my head around their sheer size and number of things to do.
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Re: What to do when kid is grown up and won't move out of the house.

Post by Nyarlathotep » Wed May 23, 2018 4:49 pm

Grammatron wrote:
Nyarlathotep wrote:I have never understood the people who stay with their parents forever (And I won't pin it on "kids today" because people were doing it when I was a kid too). I couldn't wait to get out from under my parents' roof. And it isn't that I hated my parents or anything dramatic like that, just that I had shit to do and things to see and I wasn't doing/seeing those things in Yerington Fucking Nevada.

I had to move back in briefly when I had a nearly crippling injury that left me unable to walk for a while in my 20s and at that stage in my life I didn't have any savings or anything to support myself with while I couldn't work. But once I was mended up, I was off on my own again.

I just don't get people like this guy
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How though?

My parents took care of me, fed me, loved me, etc. What did his parents do that mine didn't?
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Re: What to do when kid is grown up and won't move out of the house.

Post by Grammatron » Wed May 23, 2018 4:59 pm

Nyarlathotep wrote: How though?

My parents took care of me, fed me, loved me, etc. What did his parents do that mine didn't?
Honestly I would be guessing in this situation so I do not know about this particular dude (also in the article it mentioned that he has a son, though no custody of him :o :o )

There are a few people I have known in my life who are in similar situation. And what I saw was the issue was that the parents were too "nice" and the kid slowly took advantage of it until they got too comfortable to leave. I don't know if that's what is happening here.

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Re: What to do when kid is grown up and won't move out of the house.

Post by ed » Wed May 23, 2018 5:08 pm

There is often a co-dependency thing going on.

Not necessarily healthy.

Our kids are largely on their own, they just like being near us. (and waiting for us to die).
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Re: What to do when kid is grown up and won't move out of the house.

Post by Abdul Alhazred » Wed May 23, 2018 5:10 pm

ed wrote: ... (and waiting for us to die).
Gee whiz ed, they don't need to live with you for that. :P
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Re: What to do when kid is grown up and won't move out of the house.

Post by ed » Wed May 23, 2018 5:25 pm

"Dibs" is irrelevant if you are not there to descend, like a ravenous beast, to scoff up the spoils.

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Re: What to do when kid is grown up and won't move out of the house.

Post by Abdul Alhazred » Wed May 23, 2018 5:44 pm

You might make them sweeter (and keep their distance) if you shared some of your stuff now.

Just a thought. :)
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Re: What to do when kid is grown up and won't move out of the house.

Post by Skeeve » Sun May 27, 2018 11:19 pm

Related to the OP, and a few of the observations that Abdul has made recently:
Deadbeat son is a sign of America’s failure to raise boys
Last week, a judge in New York ruled that a 30-year-old man must move out of his childhood home...
...
A Pew Research poll from 2016 showed that men age 18-36, exactly Michael Rotondo’s demographic, were more likely to be living at home with their parents than alone, with a roommate or with a partner. That’s a startling statistic, especially as the same isn’t true for women. We can’t blame this stagnation on the entitlement of the millennial generation when half of that generation is living their lives as intended.

Part of the problem is we’ve been encouraging girls at the expense of boys. The language of empowerment we use around girls is absent from how we talk to boys. The expectation that males will succeed just because they are male has been smashed, just like feminists wanted, but now what?
...
[sarcasm]Remember now, Feminism is all about equality, Right? [/sarcasm]
...
It doesn’t help that this demographic is also finding it so hard to get, and stay, employed. An Economic Policy Institute report from February found that men are absent from the workforce in large numbers. This is a big change from the past. The report noted that “in 1979, only 6.3 percent of prime-age men did not work at all over the course of a year, but that number nearly doubled to 11.9 percent in 2016.” The telling thing is that there isn’t widespread concern about this; instead there is a celebration that women are outpacing men at school and at work.
[sarcasm]Yea, you go girl![/sarcasm]
...
A 2010 study by psychologist Judith Kleinfeld in the journal Gender Issues found that boys’ issues were going unaddressed. Boys, the study found, had “higher rates of suicide, conduct disorders, emotional disturbance, premature death and juvenile delinquency than their female peers, as well as lower grades, test scores and college attendance rates.”
FYI, this article was written by a female...go figure.
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Re: What to do when kid is grown up and won't move out of the house.

Post by Witness » Mon May 28, 2018 2:10 am

Skeeve wrote:
...
A 2010 study by psychologist Judith Kleinfeld in the journal Gender Issues found that boys’ issues were going unaddressed. Boys, the study found, had “higher rates of suicide, conduct disorders, emotional disturbance, premature death and juvenile delinquency than their female peers, as well as lower grades, test scores and college attendance rates.”
Nothing new, even Nature knows about it as there is a slight excess of boys over girls at birth. Equalizes during puberty / young adulthood as more males die, be it from stupidity & risk-taking or illness (wimin are tough!). More arguments are needed to ascribe it to neglecting boys over girls (which is the drift of the rest).

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Re: What to do when kid is grown up and won't move out of the house.

Post by Anaxagoras » Mon May 28, 2018 5:08 am

In Japan, it's not uncommon for kids to live with their parents well into adulthood. My wife's older brother still lives in the house he grew up in with his mother. It's technically not the same house, but it is the same land. About 20 years ago they rebuilt it to be a bigger two-household house with a shared bath/laundry room. When he was younger before he was married he lived in other places for work, but eventually moved back home. Father passed away many years ago and he essentially inherited the land, or he will when his mom passes on. I'm not totally sure whose name is on the title right now, but there's no question that it's his house. He's married with kids, and their mother is in her 90s now, but she's still fairly independent. She lives on the first floor and they live on the second floor. He has a good job and all that, so it's not because he's unable to move out, it's just economically efficient and that way 90-year-old Obaa-chan doesn't have to live alone.

Me, I really hope my kids move out sooner rather than later. The younger one is still in high school, the older one college, so it's still a few years away.
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Re: What to do when kid is grown up and won't move out of the house.

Post by Doctor X » Mon May 28, 2018 10:45 am

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Re: What to do when kid is grown up and won't move out of the house.

Post by shuize » Mon May 28, 2018 11:40 am

Japan is more accepting of this sort of thing. And that's fine if the parents are fine with it. But it's pretty pathetic on both sides if a kid is still mooching off parents at 30 when the parents don't want him around but can't actually get him to leave. I left home for university at 17, but I think I probably could have stuck around a few more years. I have little doubt, however, that my old man would have kicked my ass to the curb long before 30 if I wasn't paying rent or helping out around the house.

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Re: What to do when kid is grown up and won't move out of the house.

Post by Abdul Alhazred » Mon May 28, 2018 11:52 am

America's failure.

More like western civilization in general, and the USA far from the worst case.

Here's one from Mark Steyn about a case in Italy.

https://www.steynonline.com/8670/the-la ... aged-child
...

In Italy, a court ordered, upon pain of having his assets seized, Giancarlo Casagrande of Bergamo to pay his daughter an allowance of 350 euros—approximately $525—every month. Signor Casagrande was then 60. His daughter Marina was 32. She was supposed to have graduated with a degree in philosophy eight years earlier but, though her classes ended way back at the beginning of the century, she was still working on her thesis. So Signor Casagrande was obliged to pay up, either in perpetuity or until the completion of Marina's thesis, whichever comes sooner. Her thesis is about the Holy Grail. Which Marina would have little use for, given that she's already found a source of miraculous life-transforming powers in Papa's checkbook.

...
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Re: What to do when kid is grown up and won't move out of the house.

Post by shuize » Mon May 28, 2018 12:16 pm

Abdul Alhazred wrote:America's failure.

More like western civilization in general, and the USA far from the worst case.

Here's one from Mark Steyn about a case in Italy.

https://www.steynonline.com/8670/the-la ... aged-child
...

In Italy, a court ordered, upon pain of having his assets seized, Giancarlo Casagrande of Bergamo to pay his daughter an allowance of 350 euros—approximately $525—every month. Signor Casagrande was then 60. His daughter Marina was 32. She was supposed to have graduated with a degree in philosophy eight years earlier but, though her classes ended way back at the beginning of the century, she was still working on her thesis. So Signor Casagrande was obliged to pay up, either in perpetuity or until the completion of Marina's thesis, whichever comes sooner. Her thesis is about the Holy Grail. Which Marina would have little use for, given that she's already found a source of miraculous life-transforming powers in Papa's checkbook.

...
Holy shit. I can't even imagine what would have happened if a judge told the old man he'd have to continue supporting me to the tune of $525 per month until I eventually got around to finishing a thesis that I'd already had eight years to complete ...