The Not At All Gay Cycling Thread

This is our lounge area. Feel free to come in and get acquainted!
User avatar
asthmatic camel
Posts: 18104
Joined: Sat Jun 05, 2004 1:53 pm
Title: Forum commie nun.
Location: Stirring the porridge with my spurtle.
Has thanked: 450 times
Been thanked: 812 times

The Not At All Gay Cycling Thread

Post by asthmatic camel » Sun Jul 01, 2018 5:48 am

As part of my general fitness and lard reduction program, it has become my habit to cycle into Manchester every night in the small hours when the roads are clear and I can really let rip; a round trip of about twenty miles. I usually return down Oxford Road and stop at the all-night McDonalds near the University for a coffee and sit outside smoking my pipe and listening to music on my rather lovely mini stereo.

I quite often have the most fascinating conversations with drunks staggering home from the pubs and clubs while I'm sat there, and did particularly well this morning. First, I was approached by a young Asian chap who asked me if I smoked. I normally say "No" because it's people on the cadge, but this guy had a packet of cigs in his hand, so I said "Yes, need a light?" "No," says he "but I only smoke when I go out on a Saturday night and I have these left over. Would you like them?" "Thanks very much!"

Next, I was propositioned by a rather stunning young Spanish student, who told me that she likes older men and that I look good in Lycra. She was undeniably wearing her beer goggles, but still... Of course, being both married and a gentleman I had to regretfully yet gracefully decline her advances.

So, I got home with both a huge ego boost and a free packet of fags. This cycling lark is really starting to grow on me!
Shit happens. The older you get, the more often shit happens. So you have to try not to give a shit even when you do. Because, if you give too many shits, you've created your own shit creek and there's no way out other than swimming through the shit. Oh, and fuck.

User avatar
Doctor X
Posts: 67148
Joined: Fri Jun 04, 2004 8:09 pm
Title: Collective Messiah
Location: Your Mom
Has thanked: 3326 times
Been thanked: 2098 times

Re: The Not At All Gay Cycling Thread

Post by Doctor X » Sun Jul 01, 2018 5:51 am

Fag.

--J.D.
Mob of the Mean: Free beanie, cattle-prod and Charley Fan Club!
"Doctor X is just treating you the way he treats everyone--as subhuman crap too dumb to breathe in after you breathe out."--Don
DocX: FTW.--sparks
"Doctor X wins again."--Pyrrho
"Never sorry to make a racist Fucktard cry."--His Humble MagNIfIcence
"It was the criticisms of Doc X, actually, that let me see more clearly how far the hypocrisy had gone."--clarsct
"I'd leave it up to Doctor X who has been a benevolent tyrant so far."--Grammatron
"Indeed you are a river to your people.
Shit. That's going to end up in your sig."--Pyrrho
"Try a twelve step program and accept Doctor X as your High Power."--asthmatic camel
"just like Doc X said." --gnome

WS CHAMPIONS X3!!! NBA CHAMPIONS!! Stanley Cup! SB CHAMPIONS X5!!!!!
AL East Champs!!

User avatar
sparks
Posts: 13910
Joined: Fri Oct 26, 2007 4:13 pm
Location: Friar McWallclocks Bar -- Where time stands still while you lean over!
Has thanked: 1855 times
Been thanked: 581 times

Re: The Not At All Gay Cycling Thread

Post by sparks » Sun Jul 01, 2018 5:59 am

Why the fuck can't something like that happen to me?


Oh, as you were. I don't look good. At all. Just fucking old.
You can lead them to knowledge, but you can't make them think.

User avatar
Doctor X
Posts: 67148
Joined: Fri Jun 04, 2004 8:09 pm
Title: Collective Messiah
Location: Your Mom
Has thanked: 3326 times
Been thanked: 2098 times

Re: The Not At All Gay Cycling Thread

Post by Doctor X » Sun Jul 01, 2018 6:25 am

But if you wore Lycra?

--J.D.
Mob of the Mean: Free beanie, cattle-prod and Charley Fan Club!
"Doctor X is just treating you the way he treats everyone--as subhuman crap too dumb to breathe in after you breathe out."--Don
DocX: FTW.--sparks
"Doctor X wins again."--Pyrrho
"Never sorry to make a racist Fucktard cry."--His Humble MagNIfIcence
"It was the criticisms of Doc X, actually, that let me see more clearly how far the hypocrisy had gone."--clarsct
"I'd leave it up to Doctor X who has been a benevolent tyrant so far."--Grammatron
"Indeed you are a river to your people.
Shit. That's going to end up in your sig."--Pyrrho
"Try a twelve step program and accept Doctor X as your High Power."--asthmatic camel
"just like Doc X said." --gnome

WS CHAMPIONS X3!!! NBA CHAMPIONS!! Stanley Cup! SB CHAMPIONS X5!!!!!
AL East Champs!!

User avatar
Nyarlathotep
Posts: 47574
Joined: Fri Jun 04, 2004 2:50 pm
Has thanked: 773 times
Been thanked: 1426 times

Re: The Not At All Gay Cycling Thread

Post by Nyarlathotep » Sun Jul 01, 2018 3:48 pm

"Dear Penthouse

I never thought this would happen to me but I was on my way home from totally not gay cycling when I stopped at the McDonald's near the university when this stunning Spanish student approached me and..."
Bango Skank Awaits The Crimson King!

User avatar
Fid
Posts: 779
Joined: Sun Jun 06, 2004 3:45 pm
Location: The island of Atlanta
Has thanked: 610 times
Been thanked: 141 times

Re: The Not At All Gay Cycling Thread

Post by Fid » Sun Jul 01, 2018 6:03 pm

Nyarlathotep wrote:"Dear Penthouse

I never thought this would happen to me but I was on my way home from totally not gay cycling when I stopped at the McDonald's near the university when this stunning Spanish student approached me and..."
...I was hit by some fucking redneck asshole driving a big honking truck with inflamed balls (really they do that ) hanging off the back. They aren't really useful balls like to hitch a trailer. No they are just decoration probably like the driver.
"Try SCE to AUX."
Yeah, me and an electrified atmosphere ain't friends.

User avatar
Nyarlathotep
Posts: 47574
Joined: Fri Jun 04, 2004 2:50 pm
Has thanked: 773 times
Been thanked: 1426 times

Re: The Not At All Gay Cycling Thread

Post by Nyarlathotep » Sun Jul 01, 2018 6:13 pm

Not how those letters usually go, but probably accurate
Bango Skank Awaits The Crimson King!

User avatar
Abdul Alhazred
Posts: 70381
Joined: Mon Jun 07, 2004 1:33 pm
Title: Yes, that one.
Location: Chicago
Has thanked: 3058 times
Been thanked: 1137 times

Re: The Not At All Gay Cycling Thread

Post by Abdul Alhazred » Thu Jul 05, 2018 8:32 pm

asthmatic camel wrote:... cycle into Manchester ...
OK.

What sex act is that slang for? :P
Image "If I turn in a sicko, will I get a reward?"

"Yes! A BIG REWARD!" ====> Click here to turn in a sicko
Any man writes a mission statement spends a night in the box.
-- our mission statement plappendale

User avatar
Nyarlathotep
Posts: 47574
Joined: Fri Jun 04, 2004 2:50 pm
Has thanked: 773 times
Been thanked: 1426 times

Re: The Not At All Gay Cycling Thread

Post by Nyarlathotep » Thu Jul 05, 2018 8:42 pm

There's a fun game

List out things that sound like some kind of innuendo but actually aren't

Cycling into Manchester
Frosting the Donut
Shooting Hoops

Etc.
Bango Skank Awaits The Crimson King!

User avatar
Abdul Alhazred
Posts: 70381
Joined: Mon Jun 07, 2004 1:33 pm
Title: Yes, that one.
Location: Chicago
Has thanked: 3058 times
Been thanked: 1137 times

Re: The Not At All Gay Cycling Thread

Post by Abdul Alhazred » Thu Jul 05, 2018 8:45 pm

British slang is like that.

cf. "shirt lifter"

So much more clever than "rump ranger" etc.

Right, AC? :)
Image "If I turn in a sicko, will I get a reward?"

"Yes! A BIG REWARD!" ====> Click here to turn in a sicko
Any man writes a mission statement spends a night in the box.
-- our mission statement plappendale

User avatar
Grammatron
Posts: 33363
Joined: Tue Jun 08, 2004 1:21 am
Location: Los Angeles, CA
Been thanked: 1693 times

Re: The Not At All Gay Cycling Thread

Post by Grammatron » Thu Jul 05, 2018 8:59 pm

Nyarlathotep wrote:There's a fun game

List out things that sound like some kind of innuendo but actually aren't

Cycling into Manchester
Frosting the Donut
Shooting Hoops

Etc.
a round trip of about twenty miles

User avatar
Nyarlathotep
Posts: 47574
Joined: Fri Jun 04, 2004 2:50 pm
Has thanked: 773 times
Been thanked: 1426 times

Re: The Not At All Gay Cycling Thread

Post by Nyarlathotep » Thu Jul 05, 2018 9:08 pm

Whipping up some batter
Doing your mom's taxes
Bango Skank Awaits The Crimson King!

User avatar
sparks
Posts: 13910
Joined: Fri Oct 26, 2007 4:13 pm
Location: Friar McWallclocks Bar -- Where time stands still while you lean over!
Has thanked: 1855 times
Been thanked: 581 times

Re: The Not At All Gay Cycling Thread

Post by sparks » Fri Jul 06, 2018 12:22 am

Taking the skin boat to tuna town.

No, wait. That's a real one.
You can lead them to knowledge, but you can't make them think.

User avatar
Nyarlathotep
Posts: 47574
Joined: Fri Jun 04, 2004 2:50 pm
Has thanked: 773 times
Been thanked: 1426 times

Re: The Not At All Gay Cycling Thread

Post by Nyarlathotep » Fri Jul 06, 2018 1:06 am

Eating a tuna sandwiich
Bango Skank Awaits The Crimson King!

User avatar
Doctor X
Posts: 67148
Joined: Fri Jun 04, 2004 8:09 pm
Title: Collective Messiah
Location: Your Mom
Has thanked: 3326 times
Been thanked: 2098 times

Re: The Not At All Gay Cycling Thread

Post by Doctor X » Fri Jul 06, 2018 1:10 am

Launching a missile to Uranus.

--J.D.
Mob of the Mean: Free beanie, cattle-prod and Charley Fan Club!
"Doctor X is just treating you the way he treats everyone--as subhuman crap too dumb to breathe in after you breathe out."--Don
DocX: FTW.--sparks
"Doctor X wins again."--Pyrrho
"Never sorry to make a racist Fucktard cry."--His Humble MagNIfIcence
"It was the criticisms of Doc X, actually, that let me see more clearly how far the hypocrisy had gone."--clarsct
"I'd leave it up to Doctor X who has been a benevolent tyrant so far."--Grammatron
"Indeed you are a river to your people.
Shit. That's going to end up in your sig."--Pyrrho
"Try a twelve step program and accept Doctor X as your High Power."--asthmatic camel
"just like Doc X said." --gnome

WS CHAMPIONS X3!!! NBA CHAMPIONS!! Stanley Cup! SB CHAMPIONS X5!!!!!
AL East Champs!!

User avatar
sparks
Posts: 13910
Joined: Fri Oct 26, 2007 4:13 pm
Location: Friar McWallclocks Bar -- Where time stands still while you lean over!
Has thanked: 1855 times
Been thanked: 581 times

Re: The Not At All Gay Cycling Thread

Post by sparks » Fri Jul 06, 2018 2:02 am

Substitute 'hot payload' for 'missile'....

And cue the gay porno theater music.
You can lead them to knowledge, but you can't make them think.

User avatar
Doctor X
Posts: 67148
Joined: Fri Jun 04, 2004 8:09 pm
Title: Collective Messiah
Location: Your Mom
Has thanked: 3326 times
Been thanked: 2098 times

Re: The Not At All Gay Cycling Thread

Post by Doctor X » Fri Jul 06, 2018 6:16 am

Only if Uranus begs for it, sparks. . . .

--J.D.
Mob of the Mean: Free beanie, cattle-prod and Charley Fan Club!
"Doctor X is just treating you the way he treats everyone--as subhuman crap too dumb to breathe in after you breathe out."--Don
DocX: FTW.--sparks
"Doctor X wins again."--Pyrrho
"Never sorry to make a racist Fucktard cry."--His Humble MagNIfIcence
"It was the criticisms of Doc X, actually, that let me see more clearly how far the hypocrisy had gone."--clarsct
"I'd leave it up to Doctor X who has been a benevolent tyrant so far."--Grammatron
"Indeed you are a river to your people.
Shit. That's going to end up in your sig."--Pyrrho
"Try a twelve step program and accept Doctor X as your High Power."--asthmatic camel
"just like Doc X said." --gnome

WS CHAMPIONS X3!!! NBA CHAMPIONS!! Stanley Cup! SB CHAMPIONS X5!!!!!
AL East Champs!!

User avatar
ed
Posts: 32837
Joined: Tue Jun 08, 2004 11:52 pm
Title: Rhino of the Florida swamp
Has thanked: 431 times
Been thanked: 736 times

Re: The Not At All Gay Cycling Thread

Post by ed » Fri Jul 06, 2018 10:03 am

AA + x = GAY

Where x=
cycling
weight reduction
england
Victorian Novels
etc.
Wenn ich Kultur höre, entsichere ich meinen Browning!

User avatar
Abdul Alhazred
Posts: 70381
Joined: Mon Jun 07, 2004 1:33 pm
Title: Yes, that one.
Location: Chicago
Has thanked: 3058 times
Been thanked: 1137 times

Re: The Not At All Gay Cycling Thread

Post by Abdul Alhazred » Fri Jul 06, 2018 1:08 pm

Bag the "your anus" jokes.

As previously noted elsewhere, the correct official pronunciation is "urine ass".

HTH :)
Image "If I turn in a sicko, will I get a reward?"

"Yes! A BIG REWARD!" ====> Click here to turn in a sicko
Any man writes a mission statement spends a night in the box.
-- our mission statement plappendale

User avatar
Nyarlathotep
Posts: 47574
Joined: Fri Jun 04, 2004 2:50 pm
Has thanked: 773 times
Been thanked: 1426 times

Re: The Not At All Gay Cycling Thread

Post by Nyarlathotep » Fri Jul 06, 2018 3:53 pm

Ouranos

Closer to the pronunciation of the mythical titan anyway
Bango Skank Awaits The Crimson King!