Tales of Heroism

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shemp
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Tales of Heroism

Postby shemp » Sun May 13, 2018 8:12 pm

Today I rescued some beer that was trapped inside several bottles. What tales of heroism have you got?
Last edited by shemp on Sun May 20, 2018 12:25 am, edited 2 times in total.
"It is not I who is mad! It is I who is crazy!" -- Ren Hoek

"[... it seems most strange that... ] the Creator of Heaven and Earth resorted to the womb of a certain Jewish lady, grew there for nine months and was born as an infant, and afterwards grew up and was betrayed into the hands of his enemies who sentenced him to death and executed him, and that afterwards... he came to life and returned to his original place. The mind of a Jew, or any other person, simply cannot tolerate these assertions. If you have listened all your life to the priests who have filled your brain and the marrow of your bones with this doctrine, and it has settled into you because of that accustomed habit. [I would argue that if you were hearing these ideas for the first time, now, as a grown adult], you would never have accepted them." -- Rabbi Moses ben Nahman, defending the Talmud at the Disputation of Barcelona, July 1263.

"God is the supreme excuse for human adults to absolve themselves of any obligation to preserve natural resources for their own children during their lifetime." -- Gene Ray

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Re: Tales of Heroism

Postby sparks » Sun May 13, 2018 8:33 pm

Gearing up for a long overdue vacation. I started the day with a Scotch. :wink:

To that end, I'll be incommunicado all next week. Not to worry. [Terminator] I'll be back. [/Terminator] Unless, of course, I get bit by a rattler or fall off a cliff or my heart vapor-locks. :P
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Re: Tales of Heroism

Postby Mentat » Sun May 13, 2018 9:02 pm

I did my part of helping mother earth by making sure a box of cider didn't go to waste.
It's "pea-can", man.

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Re: Tales of Heroism

Postby Pyrrho » Sun May 13, 2018 9:33 pm

Ordered Boston Market so my wife didn't have to cook for Mother's Day. I drove 3 miles to pick it up and 3 miles back. Through traffic.
The flash of light you saw in the sky was not a UFO. Swamp gas from a weather balloon was trapped in a thermal pocket and reflected the light from Venus.

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Re: Tales of Heroism

Postby Doctor X » Mon May 14, 2018 3:36 am

I saved a bottle of beer from smashing on the pavement.

It would be wrong to let Old Rasputin die.

I win.

--J.D.
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Shit. That's going to end up in your sig."--Pyrrho
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Re: Tales of Heroism

Postby sparks » Mon May 14, 2018 5:35 am

No alcohol abuse here at SC.

Good.
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Re: Tales of Heroism

Postby Witness » Tue May 15, 2018 2:11 am

Got out of bed before noon. Phew! :shock:

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Re: Tales of Heroism

Postby Pyrrho » Tue May 15, 2018 2:15 am

Sat with Mom watching the Hallmark Channel for 5 hours.
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Re: Tales of Heroism

Postby shemp » Tue May 15, 2018 2:28 am

Pyrrho wrote:Sat with Mom watching the Hallmark Channel for 5 hours.


I said heroism, not martyrdom.
"It is not I who is mad! It is I who is crazy!" -- Ren Hoek

"[... it seems most strange that... ] the Creator of Heaven and Earth resorted to the womb of a certain Jewish lady, grew there for nine months and was born as an infant, and afterwards grew up and was betrayed into the hands of his enemies who sentenced him to death and executed him, and that afterwards... he came to life and returned to his original place. The mind of a Jew, or any other person, simply cannot tolerate these assertions. If you have listened all your life to the priests who have filled your brain and the marrow of your bones with this doctrine, and it has settled into you because of that accustomed habit. [I would argue that if you were hearing these ideas for the first time, now, as a grown adult], you would never have accepted them." -- Rabbi Moses ben Nahman, defending the Talmud at the Disputation of Barcelona, July 1263.

"God is the supreme excuse for human adults to absolve themselves of any obligation to preserve natural resources for their own children during their lifetime." -- Gene Ray

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Re: Tales of Heroism

Postby Pyrrho » Tue May 15, 2018 2:32 am

It's basically one plot. Either it's the girl engaged to the wrong guy or the guy engaged to the wrong girl. Either of them meets a guy or a girl who infuriates them. Hilarity ensues. Fathers are involved. They all have money. Everybody is white. None of the good guys have a decent shave. The girls all wake up in the morning wearing perfect makeup and their hair isn't mussed. They end up "together," happily ever after.
The flash of light you saw in the sky was not a UFO. Swamp gas from a weather balloon was trapped in a thermal pocket and reflected the light from Venus.

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Re: Tales of Heroism

Postby shemp » Tue May 15, 2018 2:50 am

Been there. I feel for ya kid.
"It is not I who is mad! It is I who is crazy!" -- Ren Hoek

"[... it seems most strange that... ] the Creator of Heaven and Earth resorted to the womb of a certain Jewish lady, grew there for nine months and was born as an infant, and afterwards grew up and was betrayed into the hands of his enemies who sentenced him to death and executed him, and that afterwards... he came to life and returned to his original place. The mind of a Jew, or any other person, simply cannot tolerate these assertions. If you have listened all your life to the priests who have filled your brain and the marrow of your bones with this doctrine, and it has settled into you because of that accustomed habit. [I would argue that if you were hearing these ideas for the first time, now, as a grown adult], you would never have accepted them." -- Rabbi Moses ben Nahman, defending the Talmud at the Disputation of Barcelona, July 1263.

"God is the supreme excuse for human adults to absolve themselves of any obligation to preserve natural resources for their own children during their lifetime." -- Gene Ray

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Re: Tales of Heroism

Postby Pyrrho » Tue May 15, 2018 10:11 am

...and then...the Disney remake of "The Parent Trap"
:crazy:
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Re: Tales of Heroism

Postby Doctor X » Tue May 15, 2018 10:15 am

We could complain, but, somehow, it does not equal carrying our rancid asses for nine-odd months followed by half-a-day or more of trying to shit a bowling ball whilst I Your Dad either smoked cigarettes outside, or in more enlightened times, suggested she breath.

Nor cleaning up after us multiple times a day whilst pouring formula/breast milk in our ever screaming maws when simply leaving our said rancid asses on a Wind-Swept Crag would have proved much more efficacious.

Did I mention skinned knees?

Or trying to pretend she did not look "under the bed" when cleaning our rooms when we were teens?

--J.D.
Mob of the Mean: Free beanie, cattle-prod and Charley Fan Club!
"Doctor X is just treating you the way he treats everyone--as subhuman crap too dumb to breathe in after you breathe out."--Don
DocX: FTW.--sparks
"Doctor X wins again."--Pyrrho
"Never sorry to make a racist Fucktard cry."--His Humble MagNIfIcence
"It was the criticisms of Doc X, actually, that let me see more clearly how far the hypocrisy had gone."--clarsct
"I'd leave it up to Doctor X who has been a benevolent tyrant so far."--Grammatron
"Indeed you are a river to your people.
Shit. That's going to end up in your sig."--Pyrrho
"Try a twelve step program and accept Doctor X as your High Power."--asthmatic camel

WS CHAMPIONS X3!!! NBA CHAMPIONS!! Stanley Cup! SB CHAMPIONS X5!!!!!

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Re: Tales of Heroism

Postby Pyrrho » Tue May 15, 2018 10:16 am

Truth.
The flash of light you saw in the sky was not a UFO. Swamp gas from a weather balloon was trapped in a thermal pocket and reflected the light from Venus.

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Re: Tales of Heroism

Postby Fid » Sat May 19, 2018 8:05 am

Not very funny but is kind of alcohol related. Some years ago I a cashier in a grocery store. A woman comes to the check out with three kids, groceries and a case of wine. (insert Gary Larson cartoon here)

The little boy riding in the shopping cart takes advantage of mom's distraction to stand on the case of wine and dance around 6 ft above the unforgiving concrete floor.

So I grab him under the arms and sit his little ass down on the wine box. Thereby saving him from possibly severe injury due to impact with said unforgiving concrete floor.

My reward...











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