Sound hypothetical legal advice:

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Re: Sound hypothetical legal advice:

Postby Doctor X » Thu Jan 04, 2018 11:32 pm

gnome wrote:But even she said that a few people had, as she put it "the pure devil in them", which was mainly a metaphor since she is atheist... and that the only thing you could do with them is protect yourself and other people from their harm.


Yup.

There was a dark article in The Atlantic I believe about sociopathic kids. Not a lot of a "cure" there.

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Re: Sound hypothetical legal advice:

Postby Anaxagoras » Thu Jan 04, 2018 11:44 pm

ed wrote:Are there any controlled, double blind studies that support the contention that purported "Anger Management" has any beneficial effect whatsoever?


Consider the alternative therapies:

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Re: Sound hypothetical legal advice:

Postby Doctor X » Thu Jan 04, 2018 11:58 pm

It works!

Evidences:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nNKvRZFKACI

plus, you create jobs and careers!

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Re: Sound hypothetical legal advice:

Postby RCC: Act II » Fri Jan 05, 2018 3:23 pm

Not strictly legal advice, but close: If you are hypothetically going to get out of prison by hypothetically testifying in another hypothetical case, do not hypothetically brag about this to other inmates.

Hypothetically. It could be legal advice because hypothetical attorneys don't like the hypothetical headaches of having to visit hypothetical clients in the hypothetical trauma ward, which makes representation hypothetically more difficult.

I mean, hypothetically.

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Re: Sound hypothetical legal advice:

Postby gnome » Fri Jan 05, 2018 3:30 pm

Where's that cheese commercial where the kid yells to the TV, "WHAT A DOOFUS!"
"If fighting is sure to result in victory, then you must fight! Sun Tzu said that, and I'd say he knows a little bit more about fighting than you do, pal, because he invented it, and then he perfected it so that no living man could best him in the ring of honor. Then, he used his fight money to buy two of every animal on earth, and then he herded them onto a boat, and then he beat the crap out of every single one. And from that day forward any time a bunch of animals are together in one place it's called a zoo! (Beat) Unless it's a farm!"
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Re: Sound hypothetical legal advice:

Postby RCC: Act II » Fri Jan 05, 2018 3:35 pm

I can't find the Bloom County strip that sums up my yesterday. Steve Dallas is in court representing some guy, and after he finishes his summation the client goes on a rant that included a threat to the jury that he would shave their cats.

There was a caption about Dallas considering a career change, and the last scene is him looking dejected with the thought bubble: "I could pimp."

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Re: Sound hypothetical legal advice:

Postby gnome » Fri Jan 05, 2018 3:54 pm

My all time favorite (which for all I know is the legal equivalent of "why isn't my computer working? Oh, the power's out" that IT people hear all the time), so apologies if you've heard it a million times-- was the guy accused of robbery who fired his lawyer and did an otherwise fairly competent defense of himself. Problem was he could not get the clerk to budge on his story or identification of him, and remarks, "I should have blown your (expletive) face off" *realizes where he is* "If I'd been there!!"
"If fighting is sure to result in victory, then you must fight! Sun Tzu said that, and I'd say he knows a little bit more about fighting than you do, pal, because he invented it, and then he perfected it so that no living man could best him in the ring of honor. Then, he used his fight money to buy two of every animal on earth, and then he herded them onto a boat, and then he beat the crap out of every single one. And from that day forward any time a bunch of animals are together in one place it's called a zoo! (Beat) Unless it's a farm!"
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Re: Sound hypothetical legal advice:

Postby RCC: Act II » Thu Jan 25, 2018 7:33 pm

More advice: If you are pulled over on suspicion of driving under the influence, the officers are not interested as to your theories regarding their sexual preferences.

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Re: Sound hypothetical legal advice:

Postby Abdul Alhazred » Thu Jan 25, 2018 7:38 pm

RCC: Act II wrote:More advice: If you are pulled over on suspicion of driving under the influence, the officers are not interested as to your theories regarding their sexual preferences.


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Re: Sound hypothetical legal advice:

Postby gnome » Thu Jan 25, 2018 7:40 pm

I love this thread.
"If fighting is sure to result in victory, then you must fight! Sun Tzu said that, and I'd say he knows a little bit more about fighting than you do, pal, because he invented it, and then he perfected it so that no living man could best him in the ring of honor. Then, he used his fight money to buy two of every animal on earth, and then he herded them onto a boat, and then he beat the crap out of every single one. And from that day forward any time a bunch of animals are together in one place it's called a zoo! (Beat) Unless it's a farm!"
--Soldier, TF2

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Re: Sound hypothetical legal advice:

Postby shuize » Fri Jan 26, 2018 11:05 pm

In the spirit of this thread: If you are a juvenile who allegedly has trouble being told what to do by women (your mother, your female teachers, the female judge you happen to be standing in front of in court), it is best not to lift up counsel's table and throw it at the judge while yelling "Fuck all you bitches!" when she tells you she's going to keep you in detention until your next court date.

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Re: Sound hypothetical legal advice:

Postby Abdul Alhazred » Tue Jan 30, 2018 11:33 pm

This one's not even hypothetical.

The advice is wait for your lawyer.

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Re: Sound hypothetical legal advice:

Postby shuize » Thu Feb 01, 2018 7:57 am

Abdul Alhazred wrote:This one's not even hypothetical.

The advice is wait for your lawyer.

Suspect Who Asks About His “Other Murder Case” Is Charged With That One, Too
Lowering the Bar (Lawyer blog)

Sometimes it doesn't matter.

In my early days at the PD's office, I was assigned to probable cause/bond hearings. Normally, it's pretty hard to screw these up since the name of the game is to use them to find out what sort of information the state has, get witnesses to commit to their stories under oath, etc. The judge finds probable cause 99% of the time so the most important rule is to keep your client quiet. Most of my clients understood that talking at this stage would not help. However, I still remember one guy all these years later. When the police officer was doing his standard spiel on the stand, my guy kept raising his hand like he was in fucking school. Of couse, I told him to stop, but he had the judge's attention.

The exchange went something like this:

Judge: "Mr. Shuize, it seems as if your client wants to say something."

Me: "No, Your Honor, he does not."

Judge: "He's still raising his hand."

Me whispering sharply to client: "Put your hand down."

Judge: "I'm inclined to let your client speak. It's his right to testify."

Me to whispering sharply to client: "Put your hand down. Nothing good will happen if you talk now."

Judge to client: "Mr. X, do you want to testify?"

Client: "Yes, Judge!"

Young and naive though I was, I had enough sense to ask the judge to put it on the record that I had advised my client not to testify. Ten minutes later, he'd managed to turn one charge (somehow I remember it as a misdemeanor, but we wouldn't have been representing him unless it was a felony) into three more felony charges.

At the end of which I turned to him and said, "Well, are you happy now?"

He responded, "Yes, I am."

So I sarcastically shot back, "Great, then we're ALL happy."

The whole exchange was recorded by the mic on the table. A few months later, one of the senior attorneys came to my office and asked me if I remembered Mr. X. As he started reminding me of the client who had talked himself into 3 additional felony charges under my supervision, I thought I was going to get in real trouble. But he said he just wanted to tell me how much he enjoyed listening to the tape and hearing my frustrated "then we're all happy" comment from such a young attorney just starting his career.

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Re: Sound hypothetical legal advice:

Postby Abdul Alhazred » Thu Feb 01, 2018 10:20 am

Oh goody. Now we've got TWO lawyers to play with. :)
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Re: Sound hypothetical legal advice:

Postby ed » Thu Feb 01, 2018 12:37 pm

RCC: Act II wrote:More advice: If you are pulled over on suspicion of driving under the influence, the officers are not interested as to your theories regarding their sexual preferences.


or if you have "sugar tits"?
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Re: Sound hypothetical legal advice:

Postby ed » Thu Feb 01, 2018 12:40 pm

Abdul Alhazred wrote:Oh goody. Now we've got TWO lawyers to play with. :)



What do you call two lawyers suffering at the bottom of the SC pit?
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Re: Sound hypothetical legal advice:

Postby Abdul Alhazred » Thu Feb 01, 2018 2:23 pm

ed wrote:
Abdul Alhazred wrote:Oh goody. Now we've got TWO lawyers to play with. :)



What do you call two lawyers suffering at the bottom of the SC pit?


The Tenth Circle of Hell. :twisted:
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Re: Sound hypothetical legal advice:

Postby RCC: Act II » Fri Feb 02, 2018 1:24 pm

ed wrote:
RCC: Act II wrote:More advice: If you are pulled over on suspicion of driving under the influence, the officers are not interested as to your theories regarding their sexual preferences.


or if you have "sugar tits"?


or something like "Shut the fuck up you Barney Fife fuck"

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Re: Sound hypothetical legal advice:

Postby ed » Fri Feb 02, 2018 2:11 pm

RCC: Act II wrote:
ed wrote:
RCC: Act II wrote:More advice: If you are pulled over on suspicion of driving under the influence, the officers are not interested as to your theories regarding their sexual preferences.


or if you have "sugar tits"?


or something like "Shut the fuck up you Barney Fife fuck"


Really? :shock:

It's rude to begin with but the stupid, the stupid is so thick that you could cut it with a knife.
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Re: Sound hypothetical legal advice:

Postby Abdul Alhazred » Fri Feb 02, 2018 2:23 pm

ed wrote:It's rude to begin with but the stupid, the stupid is so thick that you could cut it with a knife.


Furthermore, the "Barney Fife" line is best delivered in an NYC accent.

Did you know that Andy's show was originally a spin off from the Danny Thomas show?

Danny was driving to Florida and got stopped for speeding by this cracker sheriff and his dopey sidekick.

The relative popularity and staying power of the two shows is culturally significant. :mrgreen:
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